Songwriting . . . and Singing

I haven't written a song since "This Love," a musical toast I wrote for my older son's wedding in 2005 or 2006--I don't remember which. Before that I hadn't written a song since I co-wrote "She's a Wild One" with the Chesshir brothers early in the 1990s. I began defining myself as a songwriter back in 1970s, so I've now had several years of questioning and redefining my identity.

In 1989, I became a husband and the father of a 13-year-old boy. In January 1991 I started back to school, beginning the journey to where I am now, and in September 1991 I became the father of a baby boy. Not long after that, the band I was in dissolved and I quit making music altogether. I'm sure all of these changes required an intense degree of redefining in order to ward off--or cover up--a monumental identity crisis.

Although the writing of one song in 20 years is a measely achievement, I've continued to write other things--a novel, some short stories, a lot of academic writing, blogs, some poetry to be pitied. Some of this writing has stirred me nearly to the degree that my songwriting did for all those years. But nothing quite compares for me.

About 18 months ago, when I was 51, I decided that the song I'd written over the years didn't deserve to end up on both real and metaphorical shelves, ultimately to be lost. I have my fans, but my sons aren't among them. What I've done is likely to be over and done when it's left to them. So, I decided to start playing live, showcasing the songs and in the process trying to become a better singer and performer.

I'm most fully alive when I'm playing my songs. My written word becomes the sung word, words married to music for an intense elevation that is physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. I know of nothing exactly like it. I've experienced nothing exactly like it. Of course, the perfection of all this exists only in the rarest moments, when I'm not thinking about anything else. This often happens at home, and it seems to be happening more often in public performances, where it is helped along by energy from the audience and the degree to which I can let go my self-consciousness.

As I'm moving toward a career change--moving from mind-numbing administration back toward teaching and writing--I'm beginning to see little sparks in the mind. I remember these.

They kindle songs. Or they can if I nurture them into a flame.

2012

I have one resolution this year, which is to write more, including blogging. I don't intend to put myself under a lot of pressure, but I would like to average at least one post per week. I'd like that one post to be something significant, although not necessarily long. So, this is my start.

As I wrote in my previous post, 2011 left a generally bad impression, even though lots of good stuff came my way. I'm not looking for a perfect life in 2012, but I would prefer that the world not fall apart in the way it does in the film 2012. Lots of people have made dire predictions based on the Mayan calendar, but others have refuted these same predictions. Either way, it's not something I can do anything about, so I'm not going to worry about it.

The only thing I really dread already about 2012, is the election process. We have become a parody of our best selves. The media will batter our ears and eyes 24/7 with all the crap swirling around in the clogged bowl of an election system entered by candidates who are neither of the best minds nor the best morals. Spin doctors will continue to work their wickedness from both sides until what is actually spinning is our heads. Candidates will say and do stupid things. Americans will continue to be drunk on that dangerous cocktail made up of equal parts arrogance and ignorance. Few if any will recognize that this country and this world are different from what they were in 1776, in 1876, in 1976; most will continue to act as if this is not true. We have difficult questions to face, the answers to which will not be found in the "good old days" or the golden age or, truly, in the things of this world.

All right, you can see how I feel about the national and world scenes.

Here's a list of things that I'd like to see happen in and around my life in 2012: I want to continue to be happy with my family (wife, older son and family, younger son). I want them to continue to be happy--and happy with me. I want to be healthy and continue regular physical activity at the gym. I would be thrilled to see my mom standing upright and walking without a walker. I want to relieve my brother and aunt more in the work they do to keep Mom going. I want to be happy again with my work at ETSU. I want to be a better teacher, and I want to keep learning. I want to read more. I want to continue making music, and I want to get better at it. I want to continue to write fiction and poetry and get better at that as well. I want to start writing songs again. I want to play the flute more. I want to continue being part of a church (Cherokee) that seeks to do the difficult work of helping our community and the world.

I guess that's enough to keep me busy for a year or so.