"Well, I'm Back"

This is Samwise Gamgee in an old--1980s, I think--animated version of Tolkien's trilogy, The Lord of the Rings. Good ol' Sam speaks the last words of the trilogy's final book, The Return of the King. He has been to Mordor and back to the Shire, then to the Grey Havens to see his friend Frodo off to another world with the last of the Elves. At last he's home to stay, and to his wife he sighs, "Well, I'm back."

I've been to neither Mordor nor the Grey Havens the last few days, but I've been grading papers and exams and rehearsing and playing in musical events at Cherokee for a couple of weeks now. I feel as if I've been far away through it all.

I think this evening's children's performance was my last special event of the season. I'll do some music on Sunday, but that's just part of the normal thing. Next week, I'll put my flute in the shop to get its keys reseated and try to figure out how to become a writer again.

My little one has been going through driver's education this week. He drove through Garland Acres, a local neighborhood where a friend lives, and out to Unicoi the first day (Tuesday), and he spent some time on I-26 today, getting up to almost 70 mph, which thrilled him. (Oh boy, here we go!)

This milestone for him has just been another event for me that seems to get in the way of my "Christmas spirit." I know that Christmas is less than a week away, but I haven't done anything toward getting ready for it. Outside the musical performances, outside the walls of the church, I'm not feeling it. At least I'm not feeling it like I used to--or like I want to. I'm not moving toward a Scrooge or Grinch period, but I do think I feel a change a-coming in the way that I'll celebrate the season in upcoming years. At this point, I don't think I know what that future way will be, but I have a feeling that it'll be much simpler, much less expensive, much less Xmassy and more Christmassy. (My son's terms. When I was talking to him about getting a fake tree, he said, "That's not Christmassy. That's Xmassy." At least he didn't say what he, as a fifteen-year-old usually says--"That's gay." I hope the phrase and phase passes soon.)

And so I approach Christmas with a little reluctance, a bit of excitement but little enthusiasm. I'll be glad to share the season with family and friends, but I could do with more kinship and friendship. I remember a scene at the end of Jackson's film version of The Return of the King, when Frodo is waking up after his ordeal on the mountain and sees Sam, who has been by him through it all. While all the other members of the Fellowship are celebrating, Frodo and Sam just look silently at one another in a way that reveals the volumes of experiences--good and bad--that they've shared. It's a moving scene, one I think we all ought to get to play out at some point. I wonder, however, if, at this stage in my life and in this age of the world, such friendship is any longer possible.

Come, Emmanuel.