Nashville Years II (Related Diary Entries II)
Here's a diary entry I ran across. It's not related to my experience with Ron or Earl, but I thought it worth posting. I'd forgotten this event, so I was surprised by the reminder and the remembering. The entry is from 6 December 1981:
As seems almost usual for me on Sunday morning, I woke up ill at the world. The Lord knows how hard it is for me to get up before 11 AM. I almost decided not to go to church, like every Sunday, thinking that I got nothing from the small, country service. Then I realized, as always, that they are my people and, even though I may get nothing from the service but seeing them and feeling their friendship, that is enough. Then I also came face to face with the fact that the singing I dread with such passion is for them and not for me, and that, being graciously given the gift from God, it is my duty to sing for them. It should also be my desire to do so.
Well, Allen met me at the door asking if what he heard about me signing with Capitol was true and he was followed closely by Butch asking the same. I quickly gave them my practiced explanation about Townhouse [Records] but they were still pleased.
When time came for me to sing came around, as I was getting my guitar, Raymond spoke up about my struggles with my music and my witness for the church and my hopefully impending record deal. Then totally unexpectedly he suggested a standing ovation for me and I was overwhelmed. If it is not the Lord's will that this all go through all right, He sure is planning to teach me a great lesson in disappointment. Evan at that, though, this morning was a great blessing and I am very thankful for all the people there. . . .
Oh, in church I sang "A Song for Carolina" and "Dear Mother."
Although I've mostly lost track of Butch, Allen and I are friends on Facebook. Raymond is dead now, as are most of the people who were there that December Sunday morning in 1981. In the end, I left that little church behind without much in the way of second thoughts or regrets. But the reminder of this moment fills my plate with a range of emotions—a pinch of nostalgic joy, a big helping of nostalgic heartache, a spoonful of anger at God (along with a double spoonful of confusion) regarding this "great lesson in disappointment." Such thoughts and memories raise questions, and their answers are not forthcoming.
posted by mac | 5:47 AM
3 Comments:
It's hard to trust and have faith that God had/has another plan when we also know He says He wants to give us the desires of our heart.
For a simple man with a simple mind like mine, I have to trust that God knows better than me...that at least helps with the disappointment.
Most of the time, my heart and my mind tell me that all has worked out for the best. But then the vain dreamer in me feels differently. More importantly, I think about the work done (good work that will be lost), and that's the most legitimate sorce of the anger and confusion. But it should probably be directed more at myself than at God. Oh well, humanity!
First,thanks for sharing that. And, second, thanks for sharing that.
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